I am going to have to quit smoking cigarettes extremely soon. I've decided that if I haven't by the end of this year, I will have no choice but to face a New Year's resolution of ending my habit. It's not going to be easy either, not just because of the addictive qualities cigarettes have, but because of the damned illnesses I have, Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's Disease. Cigarettes, for some reason, give momentary relief to the intestinal pains and such. I don't what I am going to do as a substitute... I know for the anxiety and nerves I'll just chew gum or Tea Tree Oil toothpicks. I am hoping that with the end of smoking, comes the beginning of more exercise and healthier habits. I already do some small exercises quite frequently, but nothing that really benefits my entire body, mental health, and stamina. Nothing more than simple push ups and sit ups, or riding my bicycle and/or skateboard. But since I was a kid I have always done those things fairly frequently, so it's really nothing new. Maybe if I am able to implement healthier ethics and routines in my life my guts will feel better and I won't have to rely on filthy cigarettes for fleeting moment of mild relief.

I've been putting 2 paintings off for the past few days. I started the backgrounds but haven't actually begun the meat and potatoes yet. I told myself I'd start at 9. It's now 9:45. I'll start it at 10... ok, good.

I feel like I've been in a weird state lately. I've been pretty fairly productive, at least more productive than usual, yet, I still haven't been as productive as I know I want to be. I have so much free time now since I changed my major and classes... I haven't been working, and I shouldn't be going out because I don't have much money. I have to finish mixing 2 full albums worth of music ASAP, I have tons of acoustic songs I haven't recorded, I haven't picked up my 35mm camera in at least a fucking year, along with plenty of other undone things. I think instead of living in a house with 4 of my best friends, I need to invest in getting my own place. Not like I don't love living with them, it's just that I need my own studio/live space to get this all done. I can easily create the ideal environment for myself... I don't need much, just the freedom to move around and not have to see people at any given moment of the day. Maybe I'd even get better at painting during the hours of sunlight. I think I am going to aspire to getting my own place by the end of this lease, which is July of 2010.

I have 7 minutes until I start my painting. No, 6 now. I don't know what I can rattle off in so few minutes. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I need hours and hours to sift and shed even a decent chunk of it all. If I get my work done tonight and tomorrow, maybe I can allot myself a few hours to get stoned and just write. I wish I could find some generous rich person with a beach house on the Oregon Coast who will let me spend a month or 2 in their house this winter for a small fee or trade. I'd write a book, record an album, and paint awesome series of paintings. I need to hit up craigslist with such an offer... who knows, there are some very extraordinary people in this city.