New shits

Two new paintings which are currently hung along with a grip of other works at a downtown gallery space called Slinde Nelson.
I been having this problem lately where I stupidly fall asleep around 8 or 9 and wake up 11 pm. And can't go back to sleep. And now I am wired. How ridiculous.

Cleanly boys don't misbehave.

Power lines and bird flocks. Powerful.
New art studio rules so hard. I love being in there more than anywhere else right now. Or being outside of it. Ever 20 minutes or so trains barge on by. Sometimes they are super long and full of the dopest graffichi. Off in the distance, no matter what time day or not, there is always the clanking and electric humming of machines near the water front. The feeling of being down in that crazy industrial park is awesomely interesting. It reminds me of industrial Brooklyn, but more isolated.
Next week is mid-term week and apparently I don't give a shit. Am I losing my shine as a sterling student? I sure hope not. I just hope I don't reach that level of desperation where one seeks Adderall. Shiieeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Oooh wah oooh wah oooh wah...

In the brilliant words of the infamous Ice Cube, "I could'a said, today was a good day." I signed the lease of an art studio I am sharing with a friend of mine. The studio is right by the water front, nestled in an industrial area right off Interstate. The studio is shared with a wonderful carpenter, who uses the space for nothing more than storage for his wood shop gear. It is all set up and ready to use... I was even given permission to use his equipment, for real! I swear, he wrote it in the lease! It is in a warehouse, full of 60 creative studios. So fucking stoked.
Couple of weeks ago I hung some work at The Nest. I was told that the bartenders have been receiving lots of compliments about the work. What a pleasant thing to hear.
In 2 weeks I hang new work at another solo show downtown, some place called Slinde Nelson. I haven't seen the joint yet, but I am told it is huge and draws promising crowds. Movin' on upp!!
I am not the type of person to really ever show off some bull shit purchases I have recently made, but I somehow cannot resist.
First off, these bad boys should be coming in the mail tomorrow. Thems dudes is made from Bocote wood from Mexico. I dunno what Bocote is, but I like the looks of it.


I also just bought a Papasan chair. It like cuddling in an angel's womb. That desk I scored at the Goodwill bins for 7 bean, and the BRAND NEW Brother sewing machine sitting on top of it was a Christmas present from my brother... how about that.


Another Goodwill score was this sick little 90's stereo, and a dope, perfectly good Walkman with Auto-Reverse(!) which sits atop it. Also, there was a Ren and Stimpy sountrack, Sleater-Kinney, and Chet Baker cd find as well.


Last week I got 2 new tattoos... one big one, and one little one. The tattoos are pretty dry and slightly scabby. Excuse my current human condition.

Little one (Just the man-face in the moon; Horse and crossed arrows I got a year or 2 ago).



Big one.
The second one, is taken from the cover of Stop It!!'s album "Self Made Maps." D'Lacie, the artist at Optic Nerve who gave it to me, did a rad job on capturing it.


Today I drew a naked man for 3 hours in my Life Drawing class...which is completely typical. But, I arrived an hour later to my other drawing class, and we spent the next 3 hours drawing.. the same exact, naked man. Que fantastico...





The last photo was just some fuck around. They all suck anyway. But I am still excited about studying the human figure. I just found out today that the Life Drawing class I am in is 1 of 3 sequential classes. I had no idea it was 3 terms long! Excited.

I have lots of new sketches for paintings. I move all my art stuff tomorrow to the new studio and then I will make them paintings. Haven't been this fuckin amped in who knows the hell how long. It's like being 16 and my parents giving me my own car, but even more of a hedonistic dream come true.

Oh, last week, my band, Carrion Spring, added a new member, good friend Lee Ellis. We played at Rotture on Wednesday with Kid Crash, Total Bros, and Girlfriends. Everyone was cripplingly good. Lee makes us sound like a sick band now. I have a video of a new song from the show... I just need to learn how to re-format it. And then I'll post it on the world wide boards.

K I'ma go return fetal to my new papasan chair and watch the rest of Che.
Cosas son buenas hoy.

Ahora hace nieve mucho!!

First real snowfall I have seen this season. The snowflakes are enormous, and everything seems pleasantly quiet. Gosh, how I've yearned for the snow. I love the nostalgia that comes with sitting in my window sill, playing guitar while watching the rooftops and asphalt turn from black to a glowing white. Things seems to come to a complacent hum when it snows for me. The traffic is hardly stirring. The body aches from my overexertion during rock climbing the other day is hardly a pain. The stress from finishing an enormous painting by tomorrow morning has dissipated. I want to finish this painting now, standing next to my window, listening to something like the Rachels. The grandeur of nature's beauty renders me incredibly grateful.

Aqui viene el invierno.

Lately I have been listening to only a select few bands, one of which is the spankin' new album by The Mercury Program, called Chez Viking, which is a beautiful album. Save for the first song, every song is absolutely amazing. Dudes ain't put out an album in over 5 years. The wait is worth it, no doubt. And lots of Ampere. And Born Against. That's bout it.



So last night I had been part of the Big 100 gallery here is Portland. It was a show with some big sponsorship and 100 artists. Each artist was given up to 20 free, donated canvases, each 8 x 8 inches. The evening was co-sponsored by one of the major Radio Stations, KBOO. A lot of fuckin people went. I got good and drunk. I then went to a sick house show party. Just after, I found that my room mate John Gee's car had been broken into and my book bag, along with his as well, were among the only things to have been lifted from the vehicle. That bag had my mole skin journal, my vinyl bag full of almost all my art pencils and pens, a Pendleton flannel (which was hand woven right here in Portland, Oregon), a can of Police grade mace, a Hardcore mop marker, pair of gloves, my favorite hat, a water bottle w/carabeener handle, and bottle of my medication (for my intestinal illness). Losing the journal definitely sucks. The other shit, for the most part, is somewhat dispensable. I've pretty much accepted the loss. I have no choice but to convince myself it ain't that big of a deal. Humph. Here some photos of the paintings I did for the show.














Last week I had another show for Portland's First Thursday art walk. I contributed 3 pieces to a group show at the Anka Gallery of the Everett St. lofts. Only 2 made it on the wall. I think the owner is probably a cunt rag from LA and she thinks she can depict good art from bad art. Reality check; the show was a benefit with over half of the sales of profit going straight to a benefit group, called Pear. What gall to not be grateful for the contribution of a ton of art to raise money. This ain't your superficial scene of floozy elites, honey. Here are the 3 paintings I made for this show.



The 3rd wasn't put up. Granted, it ain't that good, but that chick still sucks. The 2nd one is a portrait of Henry Miller.
Painting has been good. Sometimes it is good and goes all day and night, but sometimes it's a little slow coming along. Not so much as of recently. I have a solo show opening the last Thursday, New Year's Eve, at the Nest. I don't think it is anything to do backflips over, but I have some new stuff I am working on this week and if it all goes to plan, I may be pretty happy with the results.

Shit man, I've had a hell of a cough lately. It's dry, but it also feels like there is a bunch of penny tasting moisture in my chest as well. I don't like it. I've hardly even been smoking cigarettes as of the past few weeks, and it seems the problem may be beyond the effects of smoking. OR maybe not and I am losing my mind.
I've also been sleeping like crap lately. I fallen terribly into old habits of staying up till early morning, but waking up only a few hours later. Much of my day is a fog and I don't like that either.

So this morning I was taken to breakfast, ate a green chile breakfast, and was then taken to Columbia art store. A lady friend, whom I have been spending some time with as of late, had kindly brought me to the art store. To some extent, insisted on fronting me money for the purchase of most of the drawing supplies which had just been lost last night. She's recently taken me out for many breakfasts and dinners. Total sweetheart.
School ended early this week. Really, it was just the end of a Spanish class for me, which I think I did fairly well in. An independent study class was hardly any work at all. I just learned of a couple of artists that a teacher had shown to me, and he gave me a grade on those 10 little paintings I did. I totally ditched a printmaking class, and am now slightly regretful. I plan on writing the teacher an email tomorrow, and I plan on taking printmaking a little more seriously in the coming terms.
I may or may not be taking Spanish this coming winter term. I should, for this would be the beginning of 300 level. I shouldn't risk losing what I've learned this term, even if I haven't the greatest grasp on the language at the moment.
I got like a week to decide.
I want snow so fucking bad. Just to see it for a few minutes even seems but only a fair exchange to me for this weather. It's been slightly colder-than-normal temperatures, which isn't anything that unbearable, it's just that my room is so very poorly insulated, so I rely considerably on a little space heater. I wish I wasn't such a wuss because I'd deal with it, but drawing with cold, stiff fingers is quite a discouraging task.
I dream of someone renting me my own small, inexpensive studio. I'd cook them meals at least once a day, for the duration of the tenancy.
I've been reading a thick ass novel by Thomas Clayton Wolf, Look homeward, Angel. I had to put it down for a few weeks, especially during finals week, but I am picking it up again and it's a slow, but pretty good book. It's a pleasant reading, as is he a pleasant writer, to say the least.
Past few days I been mixing the Logs full length, a band a played drums in during my first year of living here. I recorded it over a year ago and have been totally irresponsible in mixing it. It's going to be such an unbelievable relief to send it off and out of my life, finally. I am getting a lot done and only have a little bit more to go.
Immediately after I have to finishing recording vocals and then mix my current band Carrion Spring's first release.
And then I should finish a better mix for my brother's band's recording.
And then I want to do a lot of 4-track tape recordings of the acoustic songs I wrote throughout this passed year. Why I let shit pile up I'll never know... I never really get to the opportunity to completely relax and worry about nothing at all during my school breaks. Maybe I am not the only one.
I've also just made an ode, than the next decently warm day I am going to put up few wheat pastes. And maybe dust off my camera and use it for once.
Oh, the close draws near of another year. Why must I always use new year's resolutions as an excuse to clean up my pathetic, procrastinated messes.

I am going to have to quit smoking cigarettes extremely soon. I've decided that if I haven't by the end of this year, I will have no choice but to face a New Year's resolution of ending my habit. It's not going to be easy either, not just because of the addictive qualities cigarettes have, but because of the damned illnesses I have, Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's Disease. Cigarettes, for some reason, give momentary relief to the intestinal pains and such. I don't what I am going to do as a substitute... I know for the anxiety and nerves I'll just chew gum or Tea Tree Oil toothpicks. I am hoping that with the end of smoking, comes the beginning of more exercise and healthier habits. I already do some small exercises quite frequently, but nothing that really benefits my entire body, mental health, and stamina. Nothing more than simple push ups and sit ups, or riding my bicycle and/or skateboard. But since I was a kid I have always done those things fairly frequently, so it's really nothing new. Maybe if I am able to implement healthier ethics and routines in my life my guts will feel better and I won't have to rely on filthy cigarettes for fleeting moment of mild relief.

I've been putting 2 paintings off for the past few days. I started the backgrounds but haven't actually begun the meat and potatoes yet. I told myself I'd start at 9. It's now 9:45. I'll start it at 10... ok, good.

I feel like I've been in a weird state lately. I've been pretty fairly productive, at least more productive than usual, yet, I still haven't been as productive as I know I want to be. I have so much free time now since I changed my major and classes... I haven't been working, and I shouldn't be going out because I don't have much money. I have to finish mixing 2 full albums worth of music ASAP, I have tons of acoustic songs I haven't recorded, I haven't picked up my 35mm camera in at least a fucking year, along with plenty of other undone things. I think instead of living in a house with 4 of my best friends, I need to invest in getting my own place. Not like I don't love living with them, it's just that I need my own studio/live space to get this all done. I can easily create the ideal environment for myself... I don't need much, just the freedom to move around and not have to see people at any given moment of the day. Maybe I'd even get better at painting during the hours of sunlight. I think I am going to aspire to getting my own place by the end of this lease, which is July of 2010.

I have 7 minutes until I start my painting. No, 6 now. I don't know what I can rattle off in so few minutes. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I need hours and hours to sift and shed even a decent chunk of it all. If I get my work done tonight and tomorrow, maybe I can allot myself a few hours to get stoned and just write. I wish I could find some generous rich person with a beach house on the Oregon Coast who will let me spend a month or 2 in their house this winter for a small fee or trade. I'd write a book, record an album, and paint awesome series of paintings. I need to hit up craigslist with such an offer... who knows, there are some very extraordinary people in this city.

Halloween'over

Blehck. I have been feebly grappling a painful hangover all morning. I don't think the booze and pills have completely wore off yet... in fact, I am almost positive they haven't wore off yet. My head throbs like an exploding bomb under the deepest depths of the ocean and I've been too nauseas to eat, but not nauseas enough to barf. Two hours working at a small bowl of oatmeal and I've hardly made it through half of the slop. I got stoned hoping I'd work up an appetite, but all it's done now is make me feel absolutely insane.
I was Pee-Wee Herman last night. I did a pretty great job, considering I found the necessary attire and sewed myself a red bow tie all within a few hours time.
The past few days have been slightly more productive than earlier in the week. As mentioned in the last blog, I was descending into a depressive pit, void of any creativity and self-worth. I lost it pretty hard on Friday and broke down to a friend. The venting gave me enough to reflect on, and her dealing with my pathetic bickering was just enough for me to realize I was just over-thinking things far too much, and that I was having too many over-expectations for myself. Which is not always a bad thing, at least not until it gets to the point of despair. I had also recalled a mission statement I wrote back in July for the Manor of Art gallery, which really helped to elucidate my convictions. This was what I wrote, which I feel well-represents much of my political leanings and beliefs.

The betrayal of industry and its products have undeniably brought the detachment of resource, and ultimately the biosphere. Mainstream Western culture has successfully naturalized the urgency of material existence, creating a mirage of idols, heroes, enemies, and miracles. The persistent batter of corporate interest is no longer just through advertising, and has far succeeded the suggestion of over-consumption. It has surmounted a contrived dictation of survival, re-defining standards and methods of living. As natural process becomes more and more hybridized, industry transforms and degrades many of the earth’s landscapes. Technology digs us to the other side of the world, all the while the plight of communal relationships run rampant. The opposite is also true; the machine develops so ubiquitously that the lack of ability to discern between human nature and actual nature becomes more and more frequent. The constant loss of many important traditions that have been learned , evaluated, and re-learned throughout history, are giving way to the instability of deceitful institutions. And with this deception, is a tenuous acculturation that is begging for inevitable disasters.

So, as soon as I brushed those feelings off, I was able to begin the sketches of a few new paintings. I did not start the paintings, but at least I have the ideas down. That's the other thing I need to get better at... quickening my process... I am prone to lallygag frequently. It takes the first half of the night and/or day to bust through the loafing, and then once everyone in the house and the outside world are snoring away, I ceaselessly paint until at least the early hue of the morrow.
I was reading some stupid "14 things an artist should always do" blog online the other day, and though most of it was totally cheesy, I felt the lump of guilt in my guts when I read the "start early and start right away on projects" section. The only time I can achieve that is when I am in a class and I have no choice... well, if I am outside of my bedroom I think I can achieve an early start on painting. My bedroom, to quote Rob Crow, unfortunately bums me out. Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to get a studio.
On Thursday, the Barn Raising radio collective for the first time met since, I believe, July. This was an idea I had back in the spring, a radical collective, with the goal of making monthly hour-long radio shows, set no further than just simple podcasts. The few of us, including an old teacher/current friend of mine, my brother, Lee, and a fellow student friend of mine, Jennifer, were so close to beginning our first show recording. But then we all became busy with whatever we had going in our lives. On Thursday's meeting, there was maybe 3 times the amount of people who showed up interested than before... people I didn't even remotely know. And it felt awesomely motivating. I hope we continue with this project... I'd love to see us record a show. I think it may actually happen. Oh, and the opening for the Vinyl Killers show was also on Thursday, which I not only missed but also have 2 pieces of work up.
I haven't touched my Spanish homework, not to mention I didn't even go to class on Thursday. I am pretty behind, but I plan on catching up. I think I am losing the motivation with studying the language because I dropped my major in International Development Studies. It is no longer required, so I obviously have become slightly disinterested... which is totally fucked up, because I halfway through the last semester of my 2nd year. Either today or tomorrow I shall devote several hours to nothing but catching up on my Spanish class.
God damn I am fucking brain dead right now. I don't even feel like I have been typing this. Such a daft fog I have to fight through to even write a simple journal entry. Guh...woe is me. Maybe I can take a nap right now and when I awake, get on that early start.